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Fucked Up Stories

Twisted stories from the insane world of Nitsuj

1. One night Nitsuj was sleeping over at one of his friend's house. Like you would, they snuck out in the middle of the night to go fuck around outside. The only problem was, that Nitsuj had to take a terribly big shit, of diarrheaic proportions.(He had really bad diarrhea). Not being able to go home and shit because he had to go so bad, decided to shit on the front step of the local video store. There was a montrous explosion when he let the diarrhea go, it was a shit of biblical proportions. After he was all done, becaus eof the unorthodox location of the shit, he had to wipe his ass with old Subway wrappers that he had found on the ground and that had smelly sauce on them. It just goes to show, that when you gotta go, you gotta go.

2. One beautiful Spring afternoon, Nitsuj was walking through the local nature trail/park with a couple of buddies. It was a really slow and boring afternoon and they were desperately seeking something to do. Upon arriving to the wharf area they had noticed a rescue boat that had never been tied on there before. Being very daring kids, Nitsuj and a friend stole the rescue boat and started paddling out into the middle of the lake. They paddled out next to a nearby island where they spotted a beaver dam. they were about to turn back when all of a sudden a beaver popped it's head out of the water. Reacting quickly, Nitsuj took the paddle and beat the beaver repeatedly over the head with it, until it sunk and never came back up. Having already killed a beaver with the blunt end of the oar, they were in a hurry to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. They promptly returned the boat, but in their haste they forgot to tie it back on. And when they looked back, the boat had floated all the way back into the middle of the lake.

3. It was the day after Nitsuj had broken up with his girlfriend,he was feeling really depressed and he needed something to cheer him up. Luckily his parents were out of town , and his grandparents were gone to Florida. He took his grandparent's car keys and went for a little stroll around town. Later on he came back. A day later his band was going to have band practice but Nutsij and Quinnsway(the drummer) couldn't get a ride up to Smidgen's House which was all the way across town. Conveniently enough he just took his grandparent's car again and drove up to the house. Because Smidgen's parents were home he had to park the car in the woods next to a nearby playground. After practice just for a laugh, we all went up to get a ride. While we were driving around, Nutsij spotted his English teacher Mr. Feltham driving by on a motorcycle. Instead of turning his head to avoid eye contact with his teacher, he simply just cracked a smile and waved politely. The look on the teacher's face was damn funny too. I bet he was confused.
(What makes this story even funnier is the fact that Nutsij was only 15 at the time)

4. Most everybody, and most everybody does stupid shit when they are drunk, but Nutsij does the wildest , craziest stupidest shit i have ever heard of in my life.
Like this one night he got really plastered off his ass with a couple of friends and they snuck out at 4 am. They thought it would be really cool to fill up there beer bottles with gas and put a wick in it and make a homemade molotov cocktail that could blow Jesus back to the Holy Land, so they did. But just throwing it wasn't enough, they had to throw it from a ginormous 200 foot water tower. He climed up, lit it and threw it off. *****BOOM*****!!!!!
The explosion was of epical proportions to such a high degree that the likes of which will never be seen again.
After the explosion, to celebrate their triumph, the guys removed a big cap from the top of the tower and choked their chickens until they blew loads in the town's water supply.

5. One night Nitsuj and his girlfriend were really drunk and they started fooling around a bit. One thing led to another and Nitsuj started to finger her. After doin that for a while, he started to get bored, so he began looking around the room for something interesting to put in her. All of a sudden it came to him, of course, why didnt he think of it sooner, it was such a marvelous tool, Super Mario would be proud of him beacuse it was..................................................................................................................... A PLUNGER!!!!!!!!!
He immediately started t