1. twas a fine day in our shithole of a town. the sun was shining bright and it smelt worse than ever. the perfect day to built a fort. All 3 of us were stoked to build a brand spankin new fort (me,scummy,paddy)
we had had a blast drinkin in our last one and couldnt wait for the next to be made.
we shoveled like fuckin kangaroos on speed. not before long, we had pile that could dwarf any mound of elephant shit. scummy started to tunnel into one of the sides as me and paddy stood up making sarcastic comments. a little ways in, he came across some sort of buried treasure... well, it was a garbage bag.. but still. it was filled with 2 dozen beer bottles. some empty, some full, but frozen. it was pretty sweet cause they were beer-cicles. as scummy kept tunneling in, the odour inside became quite unbearable. at first we thought that paddy farted, because he has a chronic gas problem, but it was just the rotten smell of cut alders and ground. kinda smelt like stir-fry. just as it was startin to get drak and cold, we decided to head back home. but that dumb-ass bastard scummy had to keep goin nuts on the inside wall of the fort.. all of a sudden there was a "frrrrrrroooomp". the whole fuckin fort came crashing down on scummy's frail little body. me and padddy were like " oh shit, the fort's fucked, and the shovel is trapped in there.... oh yea, and scummy might be dead... but the fort... " all of a sudden like a drunk acid monkey, scummy popped his little head out of the snow... he was alive..! but the fort was fucked over.. : (
*the shovel was found unharmed*
2. i thought marble mountain was supposed to be fun. but marble fucked me over, and i shall never forgive it. all was well when we first arrived to marble, i was stoked cause it was my first time there. i knew i couldn't snowboard for shit, but i still thought it would be fun. when i got in and got all my gear on, i went up to hit the slopes.. the helmet was like wearin a fuckin banana peel, it was that tightand on top of that, it was neon green. but anyways. the first couple goes down the bunny hill i fucked it up bigtime. i fell a whole lot, almost to the point where the tight as a snake's ass virgin helmet had no effect . before our "lesson" finished, i had realized that i was riding regular when i was sposda be goofy. so i went and got the snowboard dude to fix my bindings.. well, when i came back, there was no one there, and no one had marked off my lift pass, so i proceded to go up the normal lifts like everyone else. brent told me to follow him, so i did. stoopid me, went on the krusher. 1st time boarder + 4th run ever = certain pain. I was goin good for a while, then i caught a toe edge and went flyin like a ragdoll face first down the icy hill. i thought i was fine, until i saw the instructor that shoulda failed me. he stopped me in mid run and gave me shit. because apprently, i had cut the living shit out of my nose, and had no skin on my forehead. it looked like i had gotten into a fight with a couple of punk forks. he told me to go on, but slowly, being ever so attentive i b-lined it down the rest of the way, then proceeded to fall on my stomach again as i came to a stop. then that stoner instructor came down and X'ed me. so i was battered and bruised and humiliated. i was determined to win back my dignity, so i practiced like hell. too bad it didnt fuckin matter cause i failed my re-evaluation horribly as well. stupidly enough, i went up he even bigger hill, this time, i was to take on tower 16. i knew i was fucked right from the start. as i fell down on my gut, and knocked the wind out of myself. but i kept goin, it was all start and stop on my ass down the hill. everyobne was lookin at me like i wasnt even supposed to be up there.. oh wait, i wasnt. about 2/3 the way down, i took a hard fall on my dummach, that even my huge amount of padding could not stop. it felt like someone took an aluminum bat and hit me as hard as they would their wives. then my fuckin board went renegade on my ass and went down in the woods. so i had to go chase it. i almost got stuck in the deep deep snow down in the woods. eventually, i made it out. only to see people i knew , who took my sorry ass to the nearby lift. and sent me on my way. going down the lift the opposite way id surprisingly fun, especially when someone says" hey buddy, you're goin the wrong way" and you feel like saying " oh really, i didnt notice i went to the top and turned around you fuckin moron" . i was relieved to be at the bottom, where i graciously gave back my rented gear, which was now in a shambles. but hell, it wasnt mine. * i shall return next year, and it shall be conquered, i will show them. i will show them ALL. muhuhahahahha**hahahah**haha, ha,.....*